I was reading about the "deconversion" story of a man who came to doubt his faith when he started reading about history, biology and geology and realized the Bible was wrong. I found it interesting that it was the loss of faith in biblical inerrancy that made him an agnostic, for me it was morality....
I realized these problems before age 10, I figured out that God made the world in a deceitful way. I also knew of the contradictions in the Bible but again God himself said he wanted smart people to get lost (Mat 11:25).
For me it was the sheer immorality of God what disgusted me to no end. Reading the Bible was an exercise in outrage, now, the Bible contains ass-covering clauses, but I could see they were cop outs, so I began reading apologetics too, not so much interested in science (I was very interested in science but Christian literature is appalling in that subject).
Of course the apologetic garbage was a HUGE TANGLE OF COP OUTS some of them incredibly ridiculous like the ontological principle. I realized there was zero sustainable truths in christianity. Then I looked around and found people of many religions buried in the same circularly logical beliefs. Then I simply detached of any belief in Gods.
Fear of God and belief in souls and afterlife lasted for longer though.
Fear of God was instilled in me by brainwashing, but I knew it was irrational, for many weeks before going to sleep I found myself wondering "What if...?" but then I remembered "Are you afraid of Allah, Zeus, Quetzalcoatl? Of course no..." You grow out of that fear eventually.
Belief in souls or afterlife is even more sticky, but my interest in science eventually lead me to neuroscience...
Knowing enough about your brain shatters many conceptions of "self" let alone souls.
The last problem was a problem of attitude. I was emotionally attached to the concept of souls, I found my new soulless yet pure model of reality unsatisfactory. It was dualism what was holding me back somehow. The problem is realizing that dualism is pointless.
It doesn't matter if your soul is made of meat or ectoplasm, it is still a fragile -and malleable- piece of clockwork that can be tampered.
If dualism doesn't protect your "self" what is the point of holding into it? especially when you consider it is false anyway.
I'm, now, free :)
I realized these problems before age 10, I figured out that God made the world in a deceitful way. I also knew of the contradictions in the Bible but again God himself said he wanted smart people to get lost (Mat 11:25).
For me it was the sheer immorality of God what disgusted me to no end. Reading the Bible was an exercise in outrage, now, the Bible contains ass-covering clauses, but I could see they were cop outs, so I began reading apologetics too, not so much interested in science (I was very interested in science but Christian literature is appalling in that subject).
Of course the apologetic garbage was a HUGE TANGLE OF COP OUTS some of them incredibly ridiculous like the ontological principle. I realized there was zero sustainable truths in christianity. Then I looked around and found people of many religions buried in the same circularly logical beliefs. Then I simply detached of any belief in Gods.
Fear of God and belief in souls and afterlife lasted for longer though.
Fear of God was instilled in me by brainwashing, but I knew it was irrational, for many weeks before going to sleep I found myself wondering "What if...?" but then I remembered "Are you afraid of Allah, Zeus, Quetzalcoatl? Of course no..." You grow out of that fear eventually.
Belief in souls or afterlife is even more sticky, but my interest in science eventually lead me to neuroscience...
Knowing enough about your brain shatters many conceptions of "self" let alone souls.
The last problem was a problem of attitude. I was emotionally attached to the concept of souls, I found my new soulless yet pure model of reality unsatisfactory. It was dualism what was holding me back somehow. The problem is realizing that dualism is pointless.
It doesn't matter if your soul is made of meat or ectoplasm, it is still a fragile -and malleable- piece of clockwork that can be tampered.
If dualism doesn't protect your "self" what is the point of holding into it? especially when you consider it is false anyway.
I'm, now, free :)
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